Parents and adolescents quarantined: less anger and more resignation

“Incredibly, during these weeks of suspended lives, when parents and their adolescent children are locked away at home, all together, the parents’ anger and complaints over their difficulty to communicate with their children haven’t exploded, but mostly given way to calmness, greater leniency and a different, less anxious, more resigned concern about the future.”

These are the words of Paola Dragone, a young counsellor in training and tutor from Saronno, who, two years ago, together with her mother Stefania Uboldi (from Turate) started the Facebook group “SOS genitori: adolescenza in corso” (SOS parents: adolescence in progress).

Since the beginning of the coronavirus emergency, this mutual support group for parents has almost doubled (more than 2600 members), testifying to the fact that even more support is needed today in managing adolescent children, namely those of 13 to 20 years of age.

“We’re a huge family,” Paola explained in her opening post. “Our goal is to contribute to bringing parents, who are often exhausted, closer to their children’s different world of thought, to listen to and understand their fears, their emotions and sometimes even why they’re grumpy.”

In addition to growth, in terms of numbers and participation in the group, in recent weeks, there has been a great change in the topics and tone of the parents’ posts. “It’s as if forced cohabitation and the dilation of time had led mums and dads to look more closely at their children, to learn to appreciate their qualities more, such as the great ability of adolescents to adapt to a situation,” the counsellor explained.

“Before this, the problems were studying, untidiness and not listening, which made the parents really angry,” Paola explained. “Now the anger has given way to concern.”

Too much time spent on the Internet, on social media and in chatrooms, and watching videos has become a non-problem (as the Internet has remained the only way to maintain social relationships, as much as possible). Now, the concerns are over the adolescents’ new fears, for example, of going out, when previously, it was difficult to keep them at home, at night, at least.

Even anxiety about exams, at middle and high school, which are typical in spring, has almost entirely gone. “The feeling that prevails is one of resignation, to living this strange situation as it comes,” the counsellor said.